(I Was) Dying On The Inside

My wife and I were teachers in a rural area. By rural I mean there were 67 students K-12 at the school we taught at. Stereotypically in a community of this size you can typically count on finding a Roman Catholic church and a Lutheran church. If there is a third option it's going to be a wild card. We had three options in our little community. Roman Catholic, ELCA Lutheran and Methodist. Yeah.

Knowing that my wife and I both had secure jobs and health insurance at that time we felt that it was now a "safer" time to consider starting a family. Knowing that eventually I was going to be a father I knew it would I was going to have to lead my children and see to their Christian instruction. It would probably be a good idea to have theology figured out. My background to that point was Alliance/Baptist/Lutheran. What a hodgepodge situation. Not long before this however, I asked my father what next couple of books were that every Christian guy should have, after the Bible of course. "You need a copy of the Book of Concord and Walther's Law and Gospel." And so it began.

I sought out to find a group of people that I could delve into the Bible and theology with, to make this learning experience fun and interesting. I soon discovered that my options were rather limited. We ended up driving an hour to attend an American Baptist Church. After our daughters were born we attended a different Baptist church that was only 15 minutes away. In both instances it was because we had friends who attended those churches. I was noticing that my theology was changing, and it was really veering away from Baptist theology.

It was difficult to talk to anyone in our community about this. It was difficult to discuss anything beside 1 1/2 in deep theology with anyone that wasn't from a Rick Warren or Joel Osteen book. I was beginning to feel alone on this theological journey that God was taking me through.

Armed with my bible and my blue copy of Walther's Law and Gospel I went at it alone, discovering things that would shake my world. Evangelicalism had taught me wrong. Walther was revealing and undoing years of misused "evangelical" law preaching. I did my best to discuss what I was discovering with my wife. She really tried her best to keep up with me and was sorry that she just couldn't. About once a month I'd call my father, who was raised in the old ALC, with questions from my Walther readings as well as from readings from the "2nd Edition" (Concordia: The Lutheran Confessions). I hungered for conversation, discussion, camaraderie with men who could answer my questions, to help me dig deeper. My understanding of the concept of "digging deeper" was even changing. One day it finally hit me when trying to reconcile Walther and evangelicalism, election vs. decision, depravity vs. free will, infant baptism vs. dedication.....I was becoming Lutheran, and I needed to know what that meant.

My brother and my father told me about a great men's group that they had been attending. The pastor of the local LCMS church was hosting a monthly "Lutheran Confessions Reading Group." I'd read about these groups on a website I'd come across on my search for answers on the net, on site called "Steadfast Lutherans". These guys would read through the Book of Concord, using "Concordia: The Lutheran Confessions" and discuss it. This was exactly what I was looking for! The problem was the closest one was 3 hours away at my hometown. I searched for other possibilities.....nothing....I was dying on the inside. 

I continued reading Walther in solitude, realizing all the more just how badly evangelicalism had taught and influenced me. I was saved by Christ, and was kept saved by Christ. He saved me completely. I didn't have to live in fear, wondering if I'd lived a good enough life to "make the cut." The "good stuff" I do isn't even good stuff. It's garbage. And the stuff that I do that actually is good, isn't even of me but is of Christ. I didn't have to live perfectly to please Christ. He'd lived the perfect life for me. The things I did now was no longer done that Christ might love me more, but done out of gratefulness for what Christ had done for me. I shared all these things with my wife. She was beginning to come along on this journey with me.

Later on I would end up in children's ministries in a different area. My wife and I are members of a Confessional Lutheran church. I'm blessed to attend both weekly and monthly Lutheran Confessions Reading Groups with a great group of guys. I get to "geek out" with my pastor and our elders over Walther, Pieper, Luther, Issues Etc. and Worldview Everlasting. (Glad you're back Pr. Fisk!) I'm no longer dying on the inside. I'm so thankful for my father, my pastor and the pastor of the local LCMS church who continue to encourage me to study and confess. I owe these men so much. God has used them greatly.

I'm sure there are other guys like me out there. And the more I thought about, I'm sure there are pastors out there too who have experienced similar things. They'd love to have a study the Lutheran Confession Reading Group. They'd love to have discussions like this with their elders, with their parishioners, but no one seems to care. They've got their 1 1/2 inch deep understanding of "just love Jesus and do your best to live a Christian life" theology. I think those pastors probably suffer more than what I did. They are called men who long to see the Gospel work in the lives of their parishioners but grow weary when they wonder if what they do makes a difference or if anyone really cares.

If you're a layguy like me, who had similar circumstances like me, I would really encourage you to talk to your pastor and the other men at your church. Minister to each other. I know that in many cases, groups like the Lutheran Confessions Reading Group minister to both the parishioner as well as the pastor. Other guys, as well as your pastor, could be dying on the inside. Who knows? God might use your question to administer the Gospel.

Grace and Peace.

Jesu Juva,

Soli Deo Gloria

Absolution From A 2 Year Old

It was one of those days. I had a plan of attack for my day, and then everything fell apart.

A week prior I was asked to help move a vehicle that was being taken to a dealership. I was asked to help tow it because the tire was flat. I brought my portable air compressor over and filled the tire. It would hold the air long enough for it to be driven to the dealership. The car was also loaded with "stuff" which I helped load into another vehicle. Also, the glove box had been stuck for the past year and half and the contents needed to be removed. That job as well was left to me to take care of. I was able to get the thing open, only to find items such as pens and pencils. Great, so now the glove box won't shut, and all on account of essentially worthless items. That being said, the car was now road worthy and had been cleaned out, ready to be driven that next morning to the dealership to be parted out. I wedged the glove box shut with a broken ice scraper. This being done, the battery would be fine for drive to its final destination the next morning. Ok, mission complete.

Fast forward. I hadn't heard back about moving the vehicle so I assumed it had been moved. Then I got the phone call asking me to help move the car. The caller kept cutting in and out, so I was only getting about 20% copy of what he was actually saying. (If you're a Ham radio operator, you understood that last sentence. If not, ask a Ham radio operator) I just happen to look out the window and see the call walking down my sidewalk to my house. Disgustedly I tell him to just tell me when I gets to my door and I hang up.

So I answer the door and get the scoop on the situation. I'm getting rather annoyed at this point. I did everything I could to be done with this stupid project, for both me and the individual, and I let him know it. (The guy I'm now openly being a jerk to is my brother.)  Out the back door I go to the garage, mumbling some pretty impolite things along the way right in front of my two year twin old daughters. I grab my portable air compressor and we hop into his new vehicle and drive to the location of the junker.

The tire is flat, naturally, so I fill it up and then hop in to start it up. The battery is dead. I notice that for whatever reason the ice scraper I'd wedged in to keep the glove box open is gone and the box is open. This battery isn't just dead, it's dead dead. No lights, no sounds, nothing. I shout for set of jumper cables. He doesn't have any. Tension is building more. Back into the new vehicle, a trip to my house to get a set of jumpers and then back to the junker.

We hook things up and wait. I go to start the car, she turns, wants to start, but just won't. After attempt three to do this I notice the fuel gage reading. Fumes, nothing but fumes. I hit the dash, hop out of the junker, in to the new vehicle, waiting in purposeful silence and then hop back into junker. I look at the dash, shake my head, and for the first time during this situation pray. "Dear Lord, I really need this car to start." Attempt number 4 the car starts.

Ok, we're getting somewhere now. I let the car run for several minutes to charge the battery back up and then down the road we go, for 8 blocks, where I have to pull over in front of my house because the car is now overheating. I shut the car off, hop out, and give my brother another earful about irresponsibility, hop back in the car and just hope that I can get this junker to the dealership without it blowing on me. I come to a red light and pull over, shutting off the car as it's overheating again.  Start it up and pull over a third time. Start it up a forth time and I finally get it to the dealership where I park it, shut it off and throw the keys to my brother. I wait fuming at the new vehicle until he comes back.

On the way back to my house I cool down some, that is, until we get into the house and realize that my keys to the church are now missing. I lose it. If my brother would have just driven that hunk of junk when he was supposed to this whole day would have been different. I vent loudly in front of the whole family, scaring my daughters with how angry I'm becoming. I tear out away from my house in my red F-150 and check all the places I've been, finally ending up at the parked junker where I find my lost keys.

I get back home and fly off the handle. It's bad, really bad, and I'm saying things in front of my daughters that I shouldn't be saying in any situation. My daughters start cowering. I'm scaring them badly. I'm so consumed about how "I've been wronged" by this situation, completely absorbed in my selfishness, that I forget my daughters until they start crying. Their tears bring about the Law, convicting me of my actions that afternoon. I sink into the chair, looking at my scared daughters, tears in my eyes as I do so. I call them over to me and they do so hesitantly.

Holding them in my arms I confessed to them. "Girls, Daddy is so sorry that he scared you. I was mad about my day and was selfish. I was mean to your uncle in front of you and said things that daddy should not have said. I'm so sorry that I scared you. Please forgive me." My daughter Brynja reaches up, puts her hands my cheeks and says "I forgive you Daddy..." And then, while reaching up and making the sign of the cross on my forehead, she brings me the Gospel and says "...and Jesus forgives you Daddy." Then the floodgates opened.

Thank you Father for my children. And thank you for the Gospel.

Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria

We're the pearl that Christ persued!

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it" -- Matthew 13:45-46, English Standard Version

 
Many times I've heard this parable explained like this: "We are that merchant and Christ is that pearl. We must be willing to lose everything to seek out and gain Christ."  Here's the problem, prior to faith, how do we pursue Christ? Can we pursue Christ? No, we can't. Fallen man would never pursue Christ. We are dead in our trespasses to sin. Here's another problem. If we interpret this parable this way we can only conclude that we must then do something, some feat of skill, some work of our own to attain Christ and his forgiveness. That's not Gospel. That's "works righteousness" and false teaching. What then can this parable mean?

God is the merchant and we are that pearl that he values so much. He sought after us, pursued us until he found us that He might have us as his own. (Luke 19:10) He then paid a costly price and purchased us with the blood of Christ. Our hope is not in our pursuing of God, trying to earn his favor, but rather in his pursual of us, purchasing us through Christ's blood and granting us faith through Word (Romans 10:17) and Sacrament. This is truly good news.

Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria

LSC Wednesdays #8: Table of Duties

This is the conclusion of our short series of Wednesday postings taking us through Luther's Small Catechism. Next week will be the start of LLC Wednesdays. (Luther's Large Catechism)

LSC WEDNESDAYS  #8
TABLE OF DUTIES


Certain Passages of Scripture for Various Holy Orders and Positions, by Which These People Are to Be Admonished, as a Special Lesson, about Their Office and Service

FOR BISHOPS, PASTORS, AND PREACHERS

Therefore, an overseer [pastor] must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive. He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. (1 Timothy 3:2–4, 6; Titus 1:9)

WHAT THE HEARERS OWE TO THEIR PASTORS

In the same way, the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel. (1 Corinthians 9:14)

One who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches. (Galatians 6:6)

Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.” (1 Timothy 5:17–18)

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17)

CONCERNING CIVIL GOVERNMENT

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. (Romans 13:1–4)

WHAT SUBJECTS OWE TO THE RULERS

Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. (Matthew 22:21)

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.… Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. (Romans 13:1, 5–7)

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. (1 Timothy 2:1–2)

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work. (Titus 3:1)

Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. (1 Peter 2:13–14)›

FOR HUSBANDS

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19)

FOR WIVES

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:5–6)

FOR PARENTS

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

FOR CHILDREN

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:1–3)

FOR MALE AND FEMALE SERVANTS, HIRED MEN, AND LABORERS

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. (Ephesians 6:5–8; see also Colossians 3:22)

FOR MASTERS AND MISTRESSES

Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with Him. (Ephesians 6:9; see also Colossians 4:1)

FOR YOUNG PERSONS IN GENERAL

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you. (1 Peter 5:5–6)

FOR WIDOWS

She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. (1 Timothy 5:5–6)

FOR ALL IN COMMON

The commandments … are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Romans 13:9) “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people.” (1 Timothy 2:1)

Let each his lesson learn with care, and all the household well shall fare.

Concordia : The Lutheran Confessions. Edited by Paul Timothy McCain. St. Louis, MO : Concordia Publishing House, 2005, S. 346
 
Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria

LSC Wednesdays #7: Asking Blessings and Returning Thanks

This is a short series of Wednesday postings taking us through Luther's Small Catechism.

LSC WEDNESDAY #6:
HOW THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY SHOULD TEACH HIS HOUSEHOLD TO BLESS THEMSELVES IN THE MORNING AND IN THE EVENING

MORNING PRAYER
In the morning, when you rise, you shall bless yourself with the holy cross and say,

In the name of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

I thank You, my heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, Your dear Son, that You have kept me this night from all harm and danger. And I pray that You would keep me this day also from sin and all evil, so that all my doings and life may please You. For into Your hands I commend myself, my body and soul, and all things. Let Your holy angel be with me, so that the wicked foe may have no power over me. Amen.

EVENING PRAYER
In the evening, when you go to bed, you shall bless yourself with the holy cross and say:

In the name of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

I thank You, my heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, Your dear Son, that You have graciously kept me this day. And I pray, forgive me all my sins, where I have done wrong, and graciously keep me this night. For into Your hands I commend myself, my body and soul, and all things. Let Your holy angel be with me, so that the wicked foe may have no power over me. Amen.

HOW THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY SHOULD TEACH HIS HOUSEHOLD TO ASK A BLESSING AND RETURN THANKS

‹ASKING A BLESSING›
The children and servants shall go to the table with folded hands, reverently, and say:

The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing. [Psalm 145:15–16]

Then say the Lord’s Prayer and the following prayer:

Lord God, Heavenly Father, bless us and these Your gifts, which we receive from Your bountiful goodness, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

RETURNING THANKS
Likewise after the meal they shall reverently and with folded hands say:

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever.
He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor His pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love. [Psalm 136:1; 147:9–11]

We thank You, Lord God, Father, through Jesus Christ, our Lord, for all Your benefits, who lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen.

Concordia : The Lutheran Confessions. Edited by Paul Timothy McCain. St. Louis, MO : Concordia Publishing House, 2005, S. 344

Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria

Issues With "Moralism" As A Path to God

     "Moralism, however, involves a host of impossibilities and contradictions. People just do not -- and, it seams, cannot -- live up to their own high standards. We keep failing. Sometimes, our very attempts at moral perfection lead us to immoral actions, as when our strict rules cause us to hate, coerce, and feel superior to others. Other times, our own interior attitudes undermine our virtuous actions. I have done "good works" for which I receive praise and acclamation, while inside feeling an unwilling resentment that I knew even at the time took away any pretension that I was "meriting" anything.

     The passions, the perversities of the will, the innermost secret desires of the heart, keep thwarting the best moral intentions. Moralists are often tempted to mask their failures with dishonesty or rationalization. This is why moralism is often accompanied by hypocrisy, a show of external righteousness that masks the true story of what is happening inside.

     Another way of coping when our moral reach exceeds our grasp is to push virtue out to the periphery of our experience -- becoming a matter of voting right or holding the correct social positions or supporting virtuous causes -- even while our personal or family lives become a wreck. We define down moral perfection, making it something easier and within our control. In doing so, of course, we generally end up violating the moral obligations that really count, those that have to do with our own behavior and our relationships to those around us.

     Another problem inherent to moralism is that righteousness has a way of twisting itself into self-righteousness, a feeling of pride and superiority that undoes the virtue that is achieved. The problem is not only that people of the highest morals slip up. It seems that the very effort to be moralistic tends to breed harshness, pride, and even cruelty, hardly signs of being "a good person."

     Certainly, "being good" is a laudable goal. The problem, if we are honest, is that no one seems able fully to achieve that goal. We don't really have the willpower or the inner motivation or the inner purity to achieve moral perfection."

     -- Gene Edward Vieth, Jr., "The Spirituality of the Cross" , Revised Edition
         (c) 2010 Concordia Publishing House

Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria

A Quick Thought on "Living for Christ"

In reponse to things heard and read as of late:

The ability to "live for Christ" isn't from pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps, really really meaning it this time or even by "getting right with God" or "re-committing" yourself to Him. That ability isn't in us, never was and never will be. The ability to "live for Christ" comes from Christ Alone, the one who's death even offers forgiveness for when we don't "live for Christ."

So take heart, knowing that when we try on our own, relying on our own fortitude, we will fail, for Christ has always know that this would be our outcome. That's why He succeeds for us when He works in us for His purpose. Apart from Christ we can do nothing. To live for Christ is to live because of Christ in thankfullness of the work of Christ.  There is no good in us that is not of Him.

When we fail time and time again with great consistency, remember that Christ forgave even that. Rest in His arms knowing that you are His child. Stop trying in and of yourself to do good, for you will fail, and simply let Him give you His strength that He would accomplish good through you.

Jesu Juva,
Soli Deo Gloria